Discrimination: Cattle Can't Attend Basement Shows

Midwestern country farmhand Toby Hicks is protesting the local hardcore scene based on a number of factors relating to exclusion and selective attendants in order to keep about certain public image, which in Hick's words is; "not what hardcore's all about".

"Sometimes I want to check out a friends band - they give me a door spot and everything, but I can't go because it's usually in the basement of some stupid frat house." When asked for clarification, Hicks just offered an eye roll. "Everyone and their grandma knows that while you can lead a cow upstairs, they sure as heck can't walk down some stairs. Their centre of gravity just doesn't work like that."

Organizer and event promoter Joanna Olson has refuted Hicks' claims, "I'm all for the proper treatment of animals," she states, sporting a freshly ironed Earth Crisis tee, "but it's a total safety hazard. I mean, sure, someone might crowd surf or get roughed up in the mosh, but I don't want a cow to freak out and start biting people. That's a lawsuit."

Despite this, Hicks maintains his steadfast loyalty towards his protest. "It's awful to have to boycott such a small scale empire, but sometimes you've just got to do the right thing."

"Empire?" Olson responds, dumbfounded. "You realize we run this on donations, right? Most of the ticket sales are just to cover the fuel for the band to get out here. He's more than welcome to come alone or with another guest, but I'm not going to jeopardize what we have just because some old coot can't stand being away from his pet cow for forty-five minutes at a time."

When asked about when he plans to retire his protest, Hicks mentions only once the discrimination in the scene is no longer present, but until then he'll continue to stand by his black-and-white brothers and sisters.

"You know what it is, mate? It's bloody bull****."

Previous article Vape Artists To Replace Smoke Machines By 2020

Leave a comment

* Required fields